Make Your Connections Stronger

We’re always wishing for that clean slate.

To be granted a chance to start over new. To take back words that were said. To meet someone who doesn’t know our past. To show the work we’re capable of instead of self-sabotaging. To pay more attention before we misconstrue.

We dwell on our past like it’s still here. We repeat mistakes and we think that’s the end. We forget to forgive ourselves or be vulnerable to others.

When you spend time working through hardships alone, you will never have another perspective to tell you that they understand why it happened, your reasoning is justified, or “shit, you messed up, but who hasn’t?”

I’m reading a book right now where they mention the consequences of losing connections with others. It’s happening more and more these days as we hold each other to the highest standards. If you don’t actively advocate for the environment, politics, LGBTQ+, women’s rights, the homeless, mental health, or other causes. If you say something on the internet that you didn’t realize was wrong or maybe went against others’ beliefs, you are proactively “cancelled” instead of listened to, taught otherwise, or privately and politely confronted. You either have to voice your opinion or not speak at all.

We’re all walking on eggshells in a new life of forced perfection with an obligatory audience. Afraid to make mistakes, afraid to tell people our true secrets or thoughts, afraid to express who we are. Making us show a cookie-cutter version that has been proven to be socially acceptable.

If we are a “man”, we’re taught not to reveal any emotions at all. We hide behind a barrier.

Putting on a mask while you talk, is like putting on a condom when you fuck. That single layer could reveal so much more passion if removed.

Even in our jobs it seems hopeless. In a generation of swiping left and right to find mates, company roles feel as easily replaceable. As the cost of living and minimum wage continues to go up, people can no longer afford to start their mom and pop shops or even afford a home. We’ll continue to invest our money in conglomerates that we crave like big food chains, internet marketplaces, or entertainment companies. We’re turning people into machines literally (with technological advancements) and figuratively (by underpaying them and making them work more hours). We undercut their value even though we know they deserve more. We force more work upon them without any consideration of their personal lives.

I miss the days of all-nighter heart-to-hearts where we would share our deepest darkest secrets. We would be laying in bed looking up at the ceiling and embrace our fears, our loves, our worries, our passions, our melancholy, and our humour. Then awaken to a fresh start with a clear conscience. That clean slate. A feeling of unconditional love and a connection that will keep us “BFFL” (or so we thought).

I wish there was more of that these days. Advice that comes from the heart and not an internet quote. A joke that isn’t a regurgitation of the latest movie or meme. An unequivocally unique conversation because it’s between two people who are being themselves. No one else in the world are these two people and they’re the only ones that can form this companionship together.

I fall into the portal myself that takes me to the world of self-indulgence instead of comradery. I find myself participating in activities I’m uninterested in only for the sake of being there. I seal my lips of mistakes I’ve made so I don’t have to bring others down or because I don’t trust them — one of the two. I become self destructive in my work when I take on too much or feel a strain between my teammates and I. I burn bridges before I even got to the end to see what a beautiful landmark they were.

In this book they surveyed people over the years with the question, “How many friends do you have that you could turn to in a crisis?”, Years ago when this was first asked, the answer would average at around 5. Nowadays, the most common answer is 0.

This day and age you are usually surrounded by a lot of friends but no intimacy. Or you sit around waiting for the day your friend will finally open up so that you can follow and unload afterward — except it rarely happens. We’re all so hell-bent on the hustle of money chasing, traveling the world, and fucking strangers.

I’ve been taking in these thoughts lately and putting activity towards them. I’m trying to humanize my brand more so people realize I’m a person, not a design engine. I’ve been opening up more to some others, I’ve been saying “yes” to things I wouldn’t have in the past, and I’ve been pursuing goals even if they’re scary.

I think this is something I will spend the rest of my life working on. People are always entering and leaving your life and there is timing and reasoning behind both. The best you can do is follow the flow and make sure that you’re finding the right ones to be honest with. Make sure that you are opening your mind to others, even if they are different than you. And ultimately, make sure you have that confidant to reach out to when you feel the weight of your shoulders getting heavier.